November 25, 2020

Top 10 Recruiting Tactics by Lane Kiffin

Three Tennessee football players were arrested late last week in an alleged armed robbery and weren’t allowed to play in this past Saturday’s game against Ole Miss. This arrest got me thinking about Lane Kiffin and how things have gone since his arrival in Knoxville. Here is our Top Ten list on Lane Kiffin’s recruiting tactics to date with the Tennessee Volunteers.

Shows recruits clips from The Longest Yard instead of actual Tennessee game tape.

Threatens recruits who are on the fence with a FedEx package from Al Davis.

Tells parents of all recruits that all his players will graduate with Honors. Wink, Wink.

Convinces recruits that Nick Saban will be leaving Alabama soon to become a mobster in a new
HBO television series.

Right before they sign a letter of commitment they are read The Miranda Warning.

Uses actual hypnosis on recruits to convince them that Urban Meyer is the Anti-Christ
and wants to steal their souls.

Directs his scouts to look only for recruits who have been in Juvenile Detention.

Offers recruits clean sheets, three square meals a day and no bars on their dorm windows.

Arranges the opportunity for recruits to meet his smoking hot wife.

Every recruit gets a brand new shiny pellet gun on signing day.

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